Friday, February 13, 2004

Commercialism: The End of Romance

That time of the year is here again. No I am not talking about Friday the 13th. I am talking about 14th February: Valentines Day (ever wondered why Children’s Day is celebrated exactly 9 months later in our country).

Personally I don’t believe in celebrating such occasions because they are just another way in which the capitalists (read western world) are trying to get the average middle class people to spend their hard earned money on useless gifts. Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Valentines Day, etc, etc are just very smart ways to popularize commercial products and increase sales. I have nothing against buying gifts or showing love and affection to near and dear ones. But do we really need a particular day (Mothers Day) to tell our moms that we are grateful for whatever they have done for us. Why can’t we tell them the same thing every now and then and surprise them with a nice gift? Why do we need a particular day to celebrate love when we can do it through out the year?

I agree that roses and chocolates and mushy movies are all very romantic. But the romantic aspect can be quadrupled if the element of surprise is added to it. And if we fix a day to celebrate love then there is hardly any surprise left in it. Pick up any random day and kindle your passion. That is romance. Now I don’t mean to be a spoil sport and dampen the spirits of some of my friends who are really looking forward to having a blast on the 14th. So here is wishing all of them a happy Valentines Day (Tip for couples who are giving CAT on the 15th of February: Gift a Mock CAT test to your partner on the 14th).

Me and my friends have been listening to this guy called Denis Leary for the last couple of days and I have to say that his wit and humor (MS Word changes all my British spellings to their American counterparts … at times it really bugs me) are both original and spark of deep rooted intelligence. Though Leary is a stand-up comedian, he has also acted in a large number of movies. I bid adieu with these lines from one of Leary’s songs titles ‘A**hole’:

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whale skin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why.
Twowords. Nuclear f**king weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes...
and Lee Marvin
and Sam Pekinpah
And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas...
(Hey, you know you really are an a**hole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal!

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Epimenides, Caribbean Rhinoceros Iguana and Tall Girls

I have had this conversation with my parents and some friends on a number of occasions and I think it is about time that I put my thoughts down in proper words with regard to this topic: What are the qualities a man is looking for in a woman? Or to be more precise: what are the qualities I would like the woman of my dreams to have? Before continuing please read the following note of caution/disclaimer or whatever you will like to call it:

* I might be the most undeserving man in this entire world and would probably never get the woman I desire (what the heck, after all the mistakes I have made I might not get a women at all). But then again I might be a very deserving man and should get an even better woman.
* For the love of God let it be clear that in no way do I intend to demean women. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the fairer sex. And inner beauty is always more important than external beauty.
* I am a very level headed guy. But if any comment of mine goes against your system of thoughts and beliefs then please think of me as a goof ball and forget the whole thing. I am a pacifist by choice (an extremist by intellect) and do not usually mouth any extreme views. The only extreme view I have is that all extremists are intellectually challenged (The previous statement is an example of an Epimenides Paradox which can be explained mathematically by Fuzzy Logic).
* This article is written with extreme seriousness.
* Though some views written here can be in general attributed to men at large, I beg you to not make any such generalization. So if I write that men usually like women who have forked tongues similar to a Caribbean Rhinoceros Iguana then read it as Anshumani likes women who have forked tongues similar to a Caribbean Rhinoceros Iguana (actually the iguana does not have a forked tongue, but that’s besides the point).
* If I am an egoist/egotist then this earth is flat.

I promised my mother that I will marry any girl who fulfils even half of the following criteria:

Physical Characteristics:

1) The girl has to be tall and by tall I mean she should have a height of at least 5 feet 6 inches (or 168 cm). I am 6 feet 2 inches tall. There is something about tall girls which totally turns me on (for more information you could ask Suds about what happened in IIMB ;-). Any way after spending time with short girls I start getting these paternal elder brotherly feelings for them. That cannot be good.
2) The girl should either have large black eyes or colored eyes.
3) Dimples look great on a girl.
4) Hair – any length as long as they are black and the girl isn’t bald.
5) She should be either very fair or should have a dusk complexion. No in-betweens.
6) Should have clean and beautiful feet (I have a thing for feet).

Other Characteristics:

1) The girl has to be a bibliophile or a film addict (I suffer from both these diseases; we will have tons to talk about).
2) Should have a distinct sense of style and grace about her. You may call it charisma.
3) Should not be to stressed out and overly ambitious about her career. I would like a woman whose first priority is family. Believe me when I say that my first priority is my family.
4) Should be a dreamer and should believe in fantasy and romance (I am not much of a romantic so she has to make up for the two of us). It would be great if she is a pathological liar like I am (likes to make up stories) and is mischievous and likes to play pranks. (Very few people can appreciate quality number 4)
5) Should take all decisions from her heart rather than her mind (I have a heart of stone and my analytical engineering mind is a useless bag of shit).
6) The girl should love walking because I go everywhere on my two legs.
7) Should be adventurous and ready to try out new things (don’t stretch your imaginations too far).
8) Should like food (eating obviously, cooking would be an added bonus).
9) Should like shopping (which girl doesn’t)
10) Should be a good singer or an excellent dancer. Nothing turns a man on like a diva dancing to salsa.
11) Should be creative (arts/literature/catching butterflies/sneezing non stop/ serial killing/blah/blah/blah).

Now there are perhaps another thousand things which I’ll notice in a girl but the above are more or less the first set of qualities I look for. I might never find a girl with the exact 17 qualities. I might find a girl with the exact opposite qualities and still fall in love with her. Only time will tell. For now my mom is happy that the list has been formally compiled. She has already started looking. I have six and a half more years to find myself a girl or I’ll have to marry the girl she finds for me (that wouldn’t be all that bad … it’s just that I don’t like arranged marriages). For now I am single and ready to mingle. So I take leave with these thoughts:

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
George Bernard Shaw

Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world or even with a little more care in this imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are married to.
J.R.R. Tolkien

Thursday, February 05, 2004

To Blog or not to Blog

Since yesterday I have been questioning my motives for blogging. When I had started blogging the reason was rather simple. Although I have always enjoyed writing there is one form of writing which I detest – writing letters. Some of my closest friends had moved to the states for higher studies or were living in some other city because of their work. They complained constantly that I was a lazy bum and I didn’t reply to their mails frequently. To overcome this problem I started a web log so that my near and dear ones could be kept well informed about my humdrum life. So my blogs became my own news-letter with detailed description of my activities. Life was simple. I blogged about my own life (the title of my blog says ‘Some Random Thoughts on Life’ – and I don’t write about life in general but my own life in particular) and my friends kept sending me mails. It was a neat arrangement: I blog, they mail. As time progressed my blog became a medium to express some of my own personal theories and philosophies. I enjoyed blogging and started looking forward to writing the next one.

Somewhere down the line I realized that complete strangers were frequenting my blog and sharing their views with me. I started receiving mails from people who sometimes agreed with me whole heartedly and sometimes were at loggerheads with me. This was fun. Blogging had suddenly become a means for intellectualization, for debate, for arguments and for agreements. But somewhere around this point things started going wrong. Vanity they say is the Devil’s favorite sin. I started getting a kick out of the fact that my blog was receiving around 100 unique hits daily. Checking the site meter and net traffic records became an obsession. The simple reason for which I had started my blog was lost. I just wanted to share my life, my views and my thoughts with my friends.

But I will not give up blogging. My blog, since it is essentially about my life, might seem like an exercise in ego-feeding to some but to me it is the only way of communication with my friends. So I will continue blogging in the same way I have been for the last 10 months. No site-meter, no net traffic records, just blogging. I have enjoyed the discussions that resulted from my blog and I hope my writing inspires further discussions. Carry on blogging, amigo. May the force be with you!